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Meaning

by Field Mouse

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about

"A lot has happened in the three years since our last record came out. While there is far too much to say about it all in one place, we wrote this album anyway. What are the broad strokes, you ask? It's more or less about the end of the world and all of the ways that it seems to be happening, but also about making peace with former selves and growing as a person despite the feeling of global entropy. Also: strange internet versions of our friends and selves, bouts of insomnia and picking through the dreams that followed, the importance of forgiveness, and creating meaning in a world that increasingly feels like total chaos. What is the function of art in a place like this? Is anything we make going to last? I am not sure, but here are 11 songs looking for the answer. What I do know is that art connects us to each other and to our feelings and our selves. It is a liferaft, and I hope that we can all continue to put it into the world, appreciate it, and share it indefinitely."
- Rachel Browne

credits

released August 16, 2019

❍ Produced by Andrew Futral, Rachel Browne & Kyle Gilbride
❍ Engineered by Kyle Gilbride, Andrew Futral & Rachel Browne
❍ Additional engineering by Mark Watter at Headroom & Evan Bernard at Big Mama's Recording
❍ Mixed by Michael Eisenstein
❍ Mastered by Ryan Schwabe
❍ Photography by Katie Krulock
❍ Layout by Kevin Duquette

Rachel Browne - vocals, guitars
Andrew Futral - guitars
Saysha Heinzman - bass, harmonies
Zoë Browne - keyboards, harmonies
Anne Dole - drums
Zena Kay - pedal steel on tracks 4, 6, 9, 10
Rebecca Schlappich Charles - viola & violin on tracks 6 & 11
Emma Method - viola on tracks 1, 4, 6, 7, 11
Justin Yoder - cello on tracks 1, 4, 6, 7, 11
Lorenzo Mazzamuto - violin on tracks 1, 4, 6, 7, 11

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Field Mouse Brooklyn, New York

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Track Name: Meaning
White moon out tonight
Four and twenty eyes
Do you see me, I live upstairs
I wait forever there
Elemental and polite
my shadow, filled with fire
and time spins on, and on
but meaning is gone
the meaning is gone
so just make it up
Track Name: Heart of Gold
It didn’t start this way, I can assure you
All your sweetness drained, you call to say
“I can see the future and it looks gray”

I’d never wish bad things for you
Mid-Atlantic stuck in the sprawl
I still got a heart of gold
I still got a heart

I’d never want bad things for you
Isn’t it enough just to know
I still got a heart of gold
I still got a heart

Skyline ‘cross the lake, crossing back home
on the holiday
I kept dreaming of cars crashing, now
I still wake up haunted by the sound

Between two worlds, sometimes the signal weakens
I met my evil self and beat her,
now the road depends on where I’ve been

I’d never wish bad things for you
Mid-Atlantic stuck in the sprawl
I still got a heart of gold
I still got a heart

I’d never want bad things for you
Is it enough to know the truth
I still got a heart, you know
I still got a heart
Track Name: In Blue
When the light comes in blue
to the center of the room
in love and useless, forgotten tunes
you hate the room but love the view

Turn it off, I don’t want to hear the sound
of a century crashing to the ground

A throwaway line
please forget about the last time
come around, Mae, just try
to see the farthest reaching arm of light out in the sky

Seventeen years ago, I wrote something down
folded it up, pushed it down into the back of my mouth
I’ve died so many deaths since then
I can’t tell you the last time I stopped to rest

A throwaway line
please forget about the last time
come around, Mae, just try
to see the farthest reaching arm of light out in the sky

We stay alive, to see the planets realign a second time
Track Name: Skygazing
I lost the best minds of my generation
or it’s possible that I never even knew them
Counterproductive substance and absence
no one has time to think
You may have been evil once upon a time
but who am I to say anything

This is all to say that you decide the meaning
the You I meet in dreams is really just me and
I haven’t learned a thing
Skygazing

Dragged out of the party laughing
Scraped so clean I didn’t feel it happen
Once a day the clock strikes late
I still don’t have much time to waste
on that feeling

This is all to say that you decide the meaning
The you I meet in dreams is really just me and
I haven’t learned a thing
Skygazing

Must have slept through the ending,
when I woke up everyone was gone
Learn to treat the symptoms, baby
learn to sing along
Track Name: Black Hole, Son
Come and hitch a ride
go on outside,
this is an imaginary line
Burning up at night, fire-fight
summoning the will to feel alright
every night, every night

Holding out forever
Scan the room to see
something there to save us
eventually, eventually

Some days I still feel like myself,
but today I woke up more like you
Willing it away, I close the space
Is it the more selfish thing to do?
do the words get through?

Will this be the last one?
Can you speak the last line?

Holding out forever
Scan the room to see
something there to save us
eventually, eventually

Cross it off together
some makeshift galaxy
Scrap your plans and trace it out with me

Will this be the last one?
Can you speak the last line?

Caught at the horizon,
still photons of light
Flash into focus,
Then endless night

Oh, to be the last ones
Holding out forever
scan the room to see
the axis stands without us
endlessly
Hollow days that mark our place
and it all comes down,
the last gasp of echoed sound
The last ones
The last ones
The last one
Track Name: White Elephant
It’s everywhere we go now
bearing all its weight
until it slows us both down
monolith of the day
it’s everywhere

Look around, what sets this strange scene
Pieces of a world where we are nothing

Sleepwalk, find myself stuck in someone else’s dream
Interrupt and hear the cadence of the silent
sound of everything

There was a warm home inside you
where you left the shades drawn, so I wandered in

It’s everywhere I go now
through my dreams tonight
I didn’t recognize you how
I remembered from life
it took me three whole years to
look you in the eye
and even now I

Sleepwalk, watch myself from above
always running to catch up
when alone I remember the road when I could like it
calm before the time split
Mission Central Station,
drew your face from life,
from life so I could frame it

Headlights pass by, drive me out of sight
to the dark of the side where the rain comes down
and it comes down

We go further still in time
(We have met before and we will meet again)
Track Name: Visitors
Light up all the dark corners now
I’m awake and overwhelmed by sound
Vision quested, learned lessons
kind of like there’s a way out of my head
Show me what is if that’s not some kind of death

Thought you’d find indestructible design
in a version of me for you
Now you watch it go at alarming intervals
do you think there’s such a place as home?

How do we define the worse it gets?
Is there still time to not happen yet?
We take a drive to the center, but the center moves again
on the way home, talk about the day we had
and that we’re bound to forget

Thought you’d find indestructible design
in a version of me for you
Now we watch it go at alarming intervals
do you think there’s such a place as home?

Thoughts that splinter, landscapes flicker,
recall only the last time
Moving forward, steady as an arrow
through lives that aren’t mine
interrupt the silence, calculate the mileage,
I think we don’t know much of anything
Visitors, always hovering
Track Name: Apocalypse Whenever
I want to drive out of the city lights
We’ve got nothing left to say tonight
we are resolute and galvanized
as our dream versions together

I wake up at 4 am,
I’m out of space and time again,
I think I’ve lost the link from heart to head
have I let it go forever?

Till the soil beneath your feet
Holding out, planting seeds

And now in the distance, I can see a tiny spark
is it the end or just a change?
A comet with no name
See it coming round again

I hear your ghost notes through the stereo
when I’m alone I like to talk to you
Molecules for comfort,
all I am is what I see and what I do
I’ll listen in when the sound deserves it
everyone else has already lived and learned it

And now in the distance, I can see a tiny spark
is it the end or just a change?
A comet with no name
See it coming round again

I don’t want to stay asleep but I don’t want to know
closing the blinds, open the sky, swallow me whole
what is a life, what is a life without a home?
Is it a lie, is it a trial
Could it be so?

And now in the distance, I can see a tiny spark
is it the end or just a change, a change
A comet with no name
See it coming round again

Gotta make it out
Track Name: Birthday Song
Melody woke me
“sorry about the moon”, the song goes
I used to love it
Words like these for sad teens
I’m more optimistic
Tonight, looked outside at the waning gibbous

Am I gonna fall asleep wondering?
Am I gonna fall asleep?

Years back in the Reagan days,
I was born on a full moon
A Tuesday night well spent
Now if I stay awake
I’ll hear the birthday song sung
like it’s the first one
in about two weeks

“Am I gonna make something that outlives me?”
Yeah, for that we better hope we both get lucky

Interstate to interstate
I found a new age
running toward some golden flame
that I can’t save

Now I watch the snow turn blue at dusk
things that we’ve forgotten bend and rust
Night it comes colossal through the blinds to me
Am I gonna fall asleep wondering?
Am I gonna fall asleep?
Track Name: Plague No. 8
Locusts swarm my body
Think they sense a dream dying
Charisma mildew

Coast to coast gets rocky
An elementary lesson plan,
no pay to ease the suffering

I got older
I became my own vessel
I changed all my cells
now I can’t see so well

We used to dig such big, big holes
looking for the impossible bones
I wish I had known her
the box full to its brim
of all the ways I wanted to be seen
For me: the dead living

When I get older
will I remember saying this?
Track Name: Blind Spot
If you believe it’s gold, then it’s gold
Any two-bit appraiser will tell you so
Alchemical prize for the last of the Western rush

She used to say it all the time
But years passed and now it’s mine
Erasing you was easy
once I figured it out and now
that you’re gone completely

I am the last monument standing
When you wake you will remember everything

Running slowly through a dream
half blind and screaming, screaming
where’s he off to with that gun
imagining is no fun, no fun

I should have vanished upstate
there wasn’t much to come back to anyway
nothing new, it’s always been the same
But now it just feels too late

Running faster through the scene
When you wake you will remember everything

Let’s call it off
Don’t think you want
Want what you want

Running faster through the scene
Eyes shut and screaming, screaming
till my face turns red
why do they shoot horses
when it’s just a broken leg?

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